read to the tune of "one minute" by the album leaf

For Christmas, I got an iPod. This is so fantastic because my generic mp3 player (affectionately called the Music Brick) was slowly sucking the soul from my body (and fueling the fire of The Crazy). I say this because it is a fantastic analogy. I think I am on a frontier of life. A terminal, if you will. If I seem vague, it's because that is about the extent of the information that I have.

Yesterday, I described my emotions as a "waste of oxygen".*

Today, I met Bobby in Panera and we talked about unemployment papers, New Year's Resolutions, false friends, and the utter absurdity of life itself. Then I got to talk to other wonderful friends about life too. All that talking about life makes you reevaluate. And it is quite nice.

2009 Resolutions to come..........!
marizzle

*don't worry, family that reads this! remember this is the kid that wrapped the umbilical cord around her neck in the womb! she has a flare for the melodramatic! which is something I am allowed to say about me, but you are not.

more than your resident psycho

Do you know what I think I do too much? There are a lot of things that could finish this sentence. But what I am talking about is talking to myself. I do this a lot. More than I think can possibly be healthy for any human being. And I find that this already large amount increases exponentially in times of stress, embarrassment, or simply being in my car. I can carry on entire conversations without the aid of another human being. Let's explore, for instance, my most recent trip to Target.

I rarely allow myself to go to Target. The reason for this is that my mind nearly implodes at the ratio of amazing-and-affordable things per square inch. At Halloween, Target almost convinced me I needed a pair of leggings with ghosts and candy corns on them. What? I know. This is what Target does-- it seduces me. Needless to say, when I arrive, I am overwhelmed by feelings of anxiety and stress. Asylum-level talking-to-self is the inevitable outcome.

Actual Inner Dialogue that Actually Took Place in My Actual Head at Target:

Okay, stick to the list. What do we need, Mara? First things first: let's get that car thing. Gas tank fluid, gas tank fluid, gas ta--WHAT! That set of Sharpies is only 11 dollars?! I need that. Buy it. It's such a deal. NO. Children are starving. You already own Sharpies, leave the aisle. Walk away. Good job. Gas tank fluid... gas tank fluid. Check. Okay, now we need Tupperware. Okay, you may trek to the kitchenware side through the clothes department, just to check. Ugly, you don't need it, ugly, you already have one, ug-- WHAT?! A shirt with a Charlie Brown Christmas tree?! I do love Charlie Brown Christmas... You are 20 years old, keep walking. OOOH, now that is cute. How cute? I think it's 15 dollars worth of cute. Price tag... 20 dollars? Maybe that's what I meant. Children starving. Okay, Tupperware it is. Because you said no to clothes, you may meander all of the kitchenware aisles. I WANT TO MAKE PASSIONATE LOVE TO THE KITCHENWARE AISLES. Cookie jar, mixing bowls, Thomas O'Brien towels-- I NEED ALL OF THESE THINGS. Mara, you are being a huge idiot. You have nowhere to put a colander. You don't even have a kitchen. STOP LUSTING. Get the Tupperware and run to the register with your eyes closed, you stupid idiot.

Now you see why I don't allow myself the luxury of going alone to Target-- it is simply too dangerous.

because EW.

I think that I am allergic to intimate relationships and friendships.
Or, more precisely, they are allergic to me.
This is why I am fasting.

Ryan Adams's "Demolition" album is very good.

Is Adams's right? I want someone to tell me, once and for all, what the correct grammar would be.

Grammar Girl?
Please?

my grown up christmas list

this,


this,


and a couple of these.


ironically enough, I think I have a greater chance of getting the last item than the other two.

moo, bah, moo, bah,
mara

what I wanted to say to the lady at McDonald's

What? Why are you looking at me like that? You look like this is the first time you've seen a grown woman walk in and frantically ask if she could PLEASE buy the number six My Little Pony Happy Meal toy. Such judgmental eyes...

charlie brown christmas, my own little cymbalta

I take thee at thy word.
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptiz'd;
Henceforth I never will be Romeo

Here Romeo indicates he believes what Juliet is saying is true. This confession of belief is crucial to Shakespeare's understanding of the proper recipient of love. There can be no doubting, no mistrust; one must have complete faith in the other that nothing is being held back. In our spirituality, we see nothing different. No less than two hundred times Scripture speaks of the importance of belief. "I take thee at thy word," Romeo says, meaning he believes Juliet's invitation, that she will do what she says she will do. Anything less than this complete trust from Romeo would not be love, anything less that pure trust would be a kind of careful negotiation. And careful negotiation isn't love. A person must be willing to be dashed on the rocks or made the fool in exchange for a relationship in order for pure love to take place. And in our spirituality, anything less indicates a question of God's character.

Donald Miller
explaining Romeo and Juliet in terms of Jesus

snow: a haiku

makes me want snuggles?
well, people: maybe it does,
and maybe it DOES.

how to watch The Land Before Time for the first time

1. Arrive at babysitting children's house.

2. Bring homework, because watching this movie is not something you are interested in.

3. Be hooked by watching the first 10 minutes.

4. Watch the mother die. (?!?!)

5. Be taken aback.

6. Weep unabashedly.

7. Realize you are crying about a dinosaur losing its mom, a storyline which has no foundation in reality. It's not like Little Foot actually sat depressed and crying because his Mama was gone, only to get spiritual-ties advice from an old, wise dinosaur. Seriously, woman, pull yourself together.

8. Weep anyway.

9. Hide tears from two small children.

10. Miss end of movie, leaving you to fall asleep thinking about the depression.

11. Come to the realization you have to watch it again....

you know who you are

Dear Boy I Met At Fraternity Party My Freshman Year,

I think we need to get some things straight. I know we met. I know we met because I watched you play this ridiculous drinking game and you won. We subsequently had several conversations while you were sober. Somewhere along the line, you began thinking it was okay to pretend like you don't know me on campus. I mean, that's fine. If you want to deny knowing me in public, that's your prerogative. However, when we consistently see one another on our way to mutual classes, it's time to give up the act. As I have found myself having to repeat recently, I am not an awkward person. But the jig is up, sir, and we see each other often enough for you to acknowledge our relationship. This is all I'm saying.

Love,
Mara. that girl you met that one time.

beware:

things that might make you fall in love with me [so be careful]*

• any video or audio of me car-rocking-out
• my ability to impersonate most accents
• my eccentricism (...she said, emphatically)
  
• my openness to any topic of conversation, no matter the appropriateness, or lack thereof
• preparedness when it comes to items in my purse
• my stories about my fantastic kids I babysit

love you, miss you, wanna kiss you
mara

(*things to consider: studies show these criteria may double as "things that might make you desire to never speak to or see me ever again in your life")

kicking asses and taking names

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

In honor of the founding of our country, or Native Americans, or food, or whatever Spanksgiving celebrates, we have started an annual tradition of running a 5k. You might say, "5k? That is but child's play, Mara." HOWEVER, it is rough--very rough. I have sisters and a Mama who are what you might call "physically fit".

Anyway, today, my dad was dropping us off at the race, and my sister was having a hard time taking off her coat. So we are holding up traffic for like 17 seconds. Someone gets super irritated and honks. Rude, but understandable, I guess.

Later, when my dad parks the car after we go to the starting line, a man comes up to him and says, "So you're the asshole who was holding up traffic out there."

WHAT? My dad is a very Italian-looking-Marine-Corps-vet. Someone I would never want to upset. But he has a heart of gold and responded, "I'm sorry about that. I didn't know it would take that long for them to get out. I'm sorry." Then the guy says, "It wouldn't take me that long to kick your ass." (uh.....) So my dad kindly, and truthfully, says, "Look, it's Thanksgiving and I would hate to see you put behind bars or rushed to the hospital." Then the guy backed off.

Good choice, Sassy Other Guy. Good choice.

i'm thankful for you.

mara

obligatory

I should probably update you on my life, or something.

This past week, Coldplay changed my life. I saw Jesus at work at the Sprint center. I will do a breakdown of the concert for you.

CONS
-4 hour drive
-not free
-seats that are miles from the ground with a high probability of falling off the edge to my death

PROS
-life goal
-"Fix You"
-falling off the edge to my death, only to be caught by all four band members and receive front row seats for my dedicated fannery throughout the years comma the thought of.

Love,
mara

a fairly accurate description

today in my human sexuality class



Girl In My Row: Is today Wednesday?

Me: No. It's Tuesday. I hate when I can't remember the days! It messes with your mind.

GIMR: Yeah. It's just one of those days where I'm like, Is today Wednesday?

Clearly....


love
mara

are any animals that are babies less than paralyzingly adorable?

Following my recent Baby Duck and Baby Lamb fixation, mark my wirds:

I will get a baby hippopotamus.





love,
'mara

remind me if I forget

I have decided I do NOT want to be the kind of person that makes other people feel worse about themselves. Yes. I have made that decision. Did you just make that decision now? You hadn't made it before?, you might ask. To which I would respond yes and no.

I think it takes a conscious effort to make people feel comfortable. To make them feel like you are approachable, that they can talk to you. I think that most of the time, it is easier and more convenient and more [falsely] fulfilling to try to be cool. I'm being serious! I do this a lot, I think. No matter who you are, you probably spend time trying to be cool for other people. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't think we should spend time trying to be cool, and my reasons are threefold
1) you probably are failing. I say this not in a pessimistic, critical way. But more like a there-are-always-going-to-be-people-who-are-"cooler"-than-you-no-matter-what-you-say-or-do-or-wear-or-anything-like-that way.
2) trying to be cool makes other people feel less like they like being themselves.
3) I have a sneaky suspicion that people didn't think Jesus was hip or cool at the time. But I bet they DID think he was approachable, and encouraging, and they liked being around him because, even if he suggested you make certain lifestyle changes, it would be in a way that did NOT make you feel like you regretted the day you were born. He probably did it in a way where you knew it would be good, and would bring you closer to the way you were created to be ANYWAY.

Anyway, I say all this because I would much rather be one of those friends that makes you like being you, than one of those friends that makes you cry about how you wish you were someone else.

this is, in fact, what I am saying.
mara

all it took

an excerpt from the blog minortweaks.com (HILARIOUS) which, incidentally, perfectly represents my life.

How to Wake Up

1. Set the alarm on your phone the night before.

2. Place the phone across the room so that you'll actually have to get out of bed in order to silence it.

3. When it goes off the next morning, leap from your bed and unplug it.

4. Go back to bed. Take the phone with you.

5. When it goes off again, five minutes later, hit snooze.

6. Hit snooze.

7. Hit snooze.

8. Hit snooze.

9. Decide to get up.

10. Hit snooze.

I have a feeling some of you college kids out there can relate.

love. mara.

i'm never drinking coffee again. ish.

One of my roommates left the rest of her coffee out on her desk over the weekend. This is the mold it gathered. Sick.

I think I'm quitting blogging. For fear that my cynical view of the world spills out and infiltrates your minds and makes you be like me. YIKES.

on admitting defeat

Saylor: Mara, I love you.

Mara: I love you MORE!

Saylor: No, I love YOU MORE.

Mara: I love you to the moon and back.

Saylor: I love you around the house, to the moon, around all the refrigerators, and around the house again.

faith without deeds is dead

in Jesus' name, amen
mara

reason i am uncool #264

I need to know why these are cool. I mean, do you know you look about 8 years old when you're riding it? I feel like it should be red and yellow stamped with a big "LITTLE TYKES". In all seriousness, I just have to know what the appeal is.

love,
mara

now on to step 2

If I have learned anything in my life through making the same mistakes over. and over. and over again, it's that if you give satan any kind of authority to name you, to tell you you're insignificant, to tell you how you will never make any kind of difference in the world, if you ever give him even the slightest opportunity to tell you that, hey, they're right, you do suck at life, you are impossible to deal with, you won't ever be half as pretty or smart or holy or lovable or perfect as she is,

then he totally effing will.

satan is just an a-hole like that.

love,
mara

a fall haiku

it is cold outside

the weather is autumnal

let's snuggle? YEAH, BOi!


love,
mara

i'm being so serious. and accurate.

A personal note to Keely: If you read this, I LOVED IT! I meant to tell you when you got home last week. But I forgot. Your kids are hilarious though, and I laughed at the story all the same.

Whilst babysitting Miss Roe Belle.


Roe: Mara, why is your chin so much bigger than ours?

Mara: ....what?

Roe: Your chin. How come it's so much bigger than ours?

Mara: HAHAHAHAH! An excellent question.



Love,
mara

you have to imagine it in Hugh Grant's soothing voice:

Yesterday, we initiated all of the new little Kappas. I loved it. I love them.

Today, I have to spend all day writing a research paper on sex slavery in Thailand. Although I think that everyone needs to learn about this kind of stuff so we can acknowledge and do something about it, it makes me more cynical than usual, even. You know those times that you feel like the world is a very depressing place and that there's no way in a million years you could ever do anything about it, and it's kind of true because we screw things up and Jesus is the one that makes them right? That is today.

It made me think of the move Love Actually, at the beginning when Hugh Grant is talking about the airport and life and stuff. And really, you have to see this movie. Even if you think it is going to suck, because it's mushygushychick-esque. Because most people I have made watch this movie have thought that and loved it. I think that means it has some kind of spiritual ties. (Weak and wounded sinner...). Anyway, he says this:

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion love actually is all around."



So here's to looking for it.

Love,
Mara

Words of Wisdom, courtesy of Saylor Lillie

I found a pair of binoculars Saylor made in Sunday school or something out of toilet paper rolls. I put them on and ask the girls if they look good on me.

Saylor: Haha! Those make you look chunky!

Mara: ...what?

Saylor: Those binoculars! They make you look chunky!


I'm afraid to tell you that it is not, in fact, the binoculars on my face that are making the rest of my body look chunky. HAHA!


Love,
Mara

dear man with the deafening, excessively loud truck,

Have you heard of overcompensation? Because I'll tell you who has: Every woman in America.

Love,
a concerned citizen.

what it will sound like when i fall in mushy, disgusting, reciprocated love

when you feel embarrassed, then I'll be your pride.
when you need directions, then I'll be your guide.
for all time.

[ ( ! ; . ? , : " ) ]

Happy National Punctuation Day!


In light of this national holiday of ours, may we all be keenly aware when using "your" or "you're".


Love,
Mara



(thanks to Julie for telling me about this glorious holiday)

two exciting matters

#1-

I have been dwelling in a scene-kidesque desire for a bike for a while now. But I run into a few issues. The issues being named Bikes Are Pricey and I Am The Height Of An Eight-Year-Old. So I have told people the Perfect Bike would be at a garage sale, beckoning me with its perfection and inexpensiveness. I found one back in August at a garage sale and it was only $5, but it didn't have a seat and I decided that was an important part to a bike, so I kissed it goodbye. But this weekend, my friend David and I went to a garage sale and I FOUND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. SURE, David had to tighten the brakes a little and my sizable rear sometimes moves the seat over big bumps, but it is perfect and $20 and I love it. Step 2-- Making sure I remember how to ride a bike. . .




#2

For your good music fix, look up a band called Lesser Birds of Paradise. The song "Take the Leaves" is on YouTube.



I'll be honest with you, I have no idea what kind of message that music video is trying to tell me, but I love the song nonetheless. Go to their myspace if you like it and listen to their kick-a rendition of "You Are My Sunshine".


fact: life is a crazy b.
mara.

the best way out will always be straight through

It seems to me as though it is the breakup season. This season appears out of nowhere every once and a while. No one really sees it coming until it stands three inches from your ear and is all, GOTCHA!

As I watch people I love go through this season, I feel compelled to give some words of advice from an Experienced Professional. Breakups and I have an unfortunately close relationship. It's like that friend that you don't really want. My friend Breakups follows me around, kinda slinky and in the shadows. And I'm all, dude, kindly find your own niche and back that ass up. But to no avail.

So basically what I'm saying is that breakups. totally. suck. And the best thing you can POSSIBLY DO, is to live in it. There will be some days where you will love yourself and think that anyone would be SO LUCKY to mother or father your future children. And then there will also be days that suck and the lingering thought of dying alone will make you want to die. I say all this because it is just the way the world works. But if you surround yourself with those wonderful friends who make you feel like you don't suck at life, things get a lot easier a lot faster. It takes time, but, dude, Jesus takes that time to say, HELLO! The world works out the way it's supposed to work, I'VE GOT IT UNDER CONTROL. And then you start to forgive and love pretty much everyone no matter what** and see the world in that silver-lining kind of way that is truly quite sickening.


This, is what I'm saying.


love,
mara

**this part takes time. please do NOT confuse me with one of those people who gives you about a 48 hour grace period and then tells you that MY GOD, MAN. YOU HAVE GOT TO GET OVER IT. what is with those people?!

everyone has talents

I just felt as though it was IMPERATIVE that you all know that I completed a hard level sudoku for the first time in my life today.

What? You'd like proof?




Thank you for your time.

mara

13.1 miles of [expletive] bliss

This past weekend, I went to Chicago with my sisters and brother-in-law. Chicago is a beautiful city and I WILL live there one day, but that is neither here nor there. The main reason we went is because my sisters have been training for their first half marathon-- which, in case anyone was wondering, would be a Mara.

Anyway, it rained a God-forsaken amount this weekend, and they STILL RAN. IN THE RAIN*. Which was impressive enough that Jon, Luke and I managed to not end our lives as we stood in the torrential downpour desperately trying to find my sisters and our friend Katie Lewis while sacrificing our lives to protect our laptops. It was an act of God that we found my sisters, and then widdleTatie standing in the middle of a crowd holding her dislocated shoulder. Something that I didn't see, but the mental image of her standing in the rain amidst a crowd of 15,000ish people looking for us is depressing but also so funny that I laugh out loud (lol.) thinking about it.

Anyway. THEY DID SO WELL. and I am like a proud mama.







*This is an amazing feat (HAHA!) but the the price is high (see below) and the victory seems to me as though it would be relatively not worth it. But then again, I didn't do any running.


The post-race toes of a runner featured in this blog whose name I have chosen to omit for security purposes and also a sense of dignity.

love,
mara

to whom it may concern

To the cute guy on the Chicago subway that was sitting across the aisle from me,

You should move to Kansas City and pursue me. Because our kid would be EVEN CUTER THAN THAT. I'll be awaiting your love letter, babe.

Love,
Mara

i'm not crying, it's just been raining... on my face

My weekend was pretty amazing. But enough about that.


I've decided that I should be forcing my own passions upon you all. My first tactic at achieving this will be to start a Series of Music That Will Change Your Life In A Positive Manner Boi. The first installment of this Series will feature a wonderful duo from New Zealand called Flight of the Conchords. They recently started a television on HBO and are wicked amazing. It was a hard selection as far as which song I thought would get you hooked on them, but I decided to show you "Rain Ballad (I'm Not Crying)". So, friendz, enjoy.*







*What's that you say? You love Flight of the Conchords and want more? I knew you would, you know. Look for "Business Time", "Part Time Model", and "If You're Into It". "Bret, You've Got It Going On" is also pretty life-changing.

a story about buttons

Let me tell you a sweet story:

So there's this thing called Etsy, right? And basically it's where people make things, like art or jewelry or clothes or anything you can think of really, and you can buy it on this website. And it's very awesome. So I found this right that I loved, right? So I buy it. And it came yesterday in this package with a note that said:

"Hi, Mara! I hope you like the ring! I threw in a pair of earrings for you too. I hope you like them!"

And PEOPLE, this is like the greatest thing anyone has ever done for me. I don't know this woman, and she just gives me these real cute earrings! And they're just buttons on studs so it's not like they are extravagant but they are wicked cute and HOW NICE IS SHE?! I tend to overreact to things like this because when Jesus is present in people, it makes my life a better place.

Anyway, I'll probably write her a thank you letter and creep her out but if you think I'm not okay with that? you're totally wrong.

The weather is beautiful and I have wicked awesome friends.

Love,
Mara.

love.

life is full of beautiful contradictions

seemingly insignificant things that make me significantly upset:
-"chill out"/"relax"/"calm down"
-the horrendous noise of the girls' bathroom door at Radina's
-"you shouldn't feel that way." ("I will tell you what is appropriate to feel")
-people assuming that everyone from a large city is high maintenance
-Bear Grylls
-people tuning out the sound of my voice
-people editing my papers and crossing out what is CORRECT grammar to replace with INCORRECT grammar


seemingly insignificant things that make me significantly happy:
-finding grammatical errors in textbooks
-the fact that I create some wicked awesome Pandora stations
-cookbooks
-balancing my bank account to find out that the math TOTALLY ADDS UP CORRECTLY
-coffee that gets room temperature and is still delicious
-feeling needed
-when I unplug my laptop and it gives me a good 5 minutes before turning off completely (rare. but mind-numbingly beautiful.)


amen.

sweet

To whomever threw peanut butter on my car tonight:

Awesome, thank you. No, really. Thank you. I really appreciate it. Seriously.

Love,
Mara.

what you may or may not have been waiting for

This is a bowl.

A bowl I found at a garage sale.

A bowl I subsequently purchased for 50 cents.

A bowl that happens to include my favorite of color schemes.

A bowl that made me be all, MAYBE I SHOULD START A BLOG TO SHARE THE GLORY AND SPLENDOR OF THIS BOWL.

A bowl that singlehandedly ensured my happiness for the rest of my days.

A bowl that sits atop my desk smiling down on me as if to say, "I will hold your chapstick, extra bobby pins, and a love for you that will never die."

in Jesus' name, amen.

i'm so happy that i amma

so I just got done doing this recruitment thing where I get to help the incoming freshman go through recruitment and pick houses and thereby lifelong sisters. I felt pretty ambivalent about it the whole week. because it's so sweet that friendships are so easy with other women in the Greek system (NO, NOT BECAUSE WE BUY OUR FRIENDS) but because we have this huge aspect of our lives that we have in common, even if we are completely different. but on the other hand, I have gotten a lot of crap in the past because of the sorority stereotype, and I feel like recruitment is a week where it is true. and I didn't know if I really could justify being in that kind of lifestyle.

BUT [sorry to all of you who thought I was going to be all, YOU'RE RIGHT, SORORITY LIFE SUCKS AND HOW CAN I DO THAT AND I AM SO MUCH LESS COOL THAN YOU] at the end of the week, while the girls in my group serenaded me with Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" because I held their very DESTINIES in the purple envelopes in my hand, I think I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't ever wish it any other way. the system really DOES end up working out for the best and, after only a week, girls find a perfect home away from home.

it was very wonderful and I feel very blessed to have been able to do it.

also I got to drive fifteen passenger vans around campus and HOW HILARIOUS IS THAT MENTAL IMAGE?!

Dear Manhattan,

Third time is so a charm.

love you baby,
mara

flames and smoke climbed out of every window

Want to hear something so trippy? Think about a year ago today-- what you were doing, who you were with, what you planned for the future, yadda yadda yadda.



If you were to sit me down a year ago, on August 11, 2007, and ask me to write down where the coming year would take me, approximately 95% of what I wrote down would now be proven TOTALLY INACCURATE. The things I hoped for, my friends, my relationships, my career path, my expectations, my passions. The many issues God's response to which has been all, GOTCHYA.

Sometimes I wish we could pick what life lessons we get to learn when. Like a big heaping help of this, but NOT THIS PLEASE NO. But it doesn't work like that. I have a sneaky suspicion that it's all to make us the kind of people we're supposed to be. But when have you ever known me to be someone who rejoices in the power of logic?

love, mara.

like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife

Fact: If my life were a movie-- and let's be clear, it totally could be-- it would be a SMASH. It would make you weep, laugh, weep, laugh, all in the opening credits. Do you ever experience those crazy nights, and you're just basking in the absurdity of it all, but then you say, "this could be so much worse. Such and such could have happened." That such and such? That is where my 90% of my life is spent. I live in Painfully Ironicland.

I drop my phone in Wal-Mart at 103 and Metcalf. I get to Houlihan's with my friends at 119 and Nall and I'm all, OOPS. I go back to Wal-Mart, calling my phone from my friend's the whole way. No answer, but I finally get a text. Then this stimulating conversation happened via text message:

?: Do u no this fone is at walmart? i found it.
me: I'm on my way to come get it! Thanks!
?: i'm at hm
me: uh, home? can I come get it? where is your house? [WHO FINDS A PHONE AND THINKS IT IS OKAY TO TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE?! WHY DIDN'T YOU LEAVE IT AT WAL-MART?! WHY DID YOU RUIN MY LIFE?!]
?: dont no, i'm from out of town. ur lucky im nice cuz u have a badass phone
me: [!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] can you tell me your address or something?
?: im staying at la quinta hotel

So I ask the guy from Wal-Mart where it is, and he's all, I-35 and 95th. So off I go to meet with this [EXTREMELY SKETCHY] character. I get there, I go to where the person said, and they're all, where are you? and I'm all, at the front where are you? and they're all, at the front.

People. I had gone. to the wrong. La Quinta.

So I ask the front desk guy: How the [expletive] do you get to the [expletive] other La Quinta? And off I go, back to 103 and Metcalf. I search this intersection for what seems like YEARS before I find it. Then I finally get my phone from She Who Could Have Been Rapist But Is Actually Just Sassy. A two-hour ordeal.

Two.

Hours.

It's one of those stories that, somewhere down the line, will be really funny, but at the time you can do nothing else except the classic weepndrive, an action I have, by this point, thanks to my ironic life, mastered. Comma, comma, comma.

http://www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/article750838.ece


Something very scary is happening in the world where this kind of stuff happens. I know that life is unfair sometimes, and bad things happen to undeserving people, but it's this kind of thing that threatens to just completely drag you under.

indicative of my life

today I took a road trip to Manhattan with my friend Adrienne to move her stuff in. It was probably the most spontaneous thing I've done in a while [ever]. It was lots of fun. We played at her house and then stopped by Radina's (the only true love I know) then came back to Kansas City. We pull into my driveway to find that, what? WHAT?

I had left. my purse. at Radina's. in Manhattan. two hours away.

So I have to leave my house in like 5 hours to drive back and thereby increase my carbon footprint by like 243%. NEEDLESSLY.

and I say all this because, this would totally happen to me. and maybe so someone can get some joy out of my frequent misfortune.

poignancy

I have been listening to this a lot, because it is beautiful. [Yes, I know that it's not a video really, but ALL THE BETTER FOR MULTITASKING, my dear Internet. Wicked accurate portrayal of life with little to no interruption to your everyday routine.]



Sincerely yours,
Mara.

Dear Sedatives, I want to kiss you right on the mouth.

...because what kind of friend would I be if I deprived you of all this beauty and splendor?



Upon waking up after the Great Sedation Episode of 2008:
me: what's in my mouth?
Kristen: hi! it's gauze!
me: can I take it out?
K: HA! NO!
me: what's in my mouth?
k: still gauze.
me: I hate it.
k: I know.
me: what's in my mouth? can I take it out?

bun in the oven bakery

... that's what my bakery is going to be called. it's a pregnancy reference, get it? Because what are the two most beautiful things in the world? cakes, and pregnant women. this is my little way of combining them. Although I was recently told that this "narrows my target client base". Which totally doesn't surprise me because, men? They WOULD not understand the mind-blowing beauty of pregnancy.







I have been in this baking phase for a while. And the only thing I've been loving more than baking delicious treats is taking beautiful pictures of them. This is a completely original idea. A completely original idea that I first saw on one of the many blogs I stalk.

So my life goals become realized: a job that includes babies, baking, and breastfeeding advocacy. No, I'm not going to bake with breastmilk. Those are just three passions of mine. Even I have to draw the line somewhere.

i do and i will.

If you think that I am embarrassed by the amount I cry at weddings? You'd be totally wrong. Weddings and all that they imply are beautiful, and true, and therefore absolutely worth lots of tears of joy. And, despite all evidence to the contrary, I truly do believe two people can fall in love and, by the grace of God, wake up every morning and decide to fight for one another.


And that, my friends, is what they call resilience. Sweet, stubborn, unexplainable resilience.

with a heart wide open

In Searching for God Knows What*, Donald Miller, Prince of Spiritual Insight, says this:

"Moses wrote Job before he wrote Genesis, most scholars agree, and so the first thing God wanted to communicate to mankind was that life was hard, and there is pain, great pain in life, and yet the answer to this pain, or the cure for this pain, is not given in explanation; rather, God offers to this pain, or this life experience, Himself. Not steps, not an understanding, not a philosophy, but Himself."

So at church the other day, we talked about the same concept. About how, after the Fall, in this world where we all have the capacity for evil, and we are aware of all this evil around us, how it's easy to feel like you're just fumbling around hurting and lost. And how, against all logic we have to explain it, God does this drastic move out of love, right? Where He BACKTRACKS, goes from the greatness that is Heaven to the crappy mess that is Earth and He's like, Here I am to get you! He doesn't just tell us how we can make our lives better, or scold us for being stupid and sinful, or make us find our own way Home. He actually comes to us, meets us in our depression and insecurity. He offers Himself to where we feel the most insignificant and broken. And what could be better, right?

And then I see things like this.

And it's like, how do we actually live in a place where people honestly feel like they are worthless and have no one? It seems like everywhere you turn, there's all these people with broken hearts and these deep wounds that are going to take a lifetime to fix. And then I realize, it's my own fault, because I don't love people like Jesus would love them, fully and unconditionally. So I've been thinking a lot about what it would be like to love other people this way. Because loving people like Jesus would is RIDICULOUSLY IMPOSSIBLE. I get frustrated, or hurt, or needy, or selfish, or some other emotion that makes me all, I'M DONE HANGING OUT WITH YOU. But that's not what Jesus does, SEE? He meets us in our depression. He's not the Friend that tells you what you want to hear, or makes you feel insignificant, or tells you that your feelings are ridiculous. He's the Friend that sits down and weeps alongside you when you're weeping, rejoices when you rejoice, all the while leading you through experiences that make you become the person He wants you to be. And who wouldn't want to love people like that? And maybe if we all did that, it would make all that crappy, messy, hurtful stuff easier to handle. Or at least we wouldn't have to handle it all alone.



*You should probably go read this book. Even if you've already read it. Because it definitely speaks to the condition of the heart with its DEEP AND INTIMATE TRUTHS THAT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE YELLING.

Summation of my Character (in Type A format)

Things I have never been good at:
-seeing far away things
-laughing quietly
-listening to my voicemails (in an even semi-timely manner)
-exercising
-getting over it
-standing up for myself
-liking being me
-making decisions
-driving
-being spontaneous (I'm working on it, people.)
-gaining access to things on a high shelf

Things I have always been good at:
-eating
-empathizing
-knowing good movies
-road rage
-crying
-cleaning other peoples' rooms
-recognizing musical talent
-hugs
-pointing out [and envying] positive characteristics in other people
-maternal instincts
-getting bruises

are we serious?

A day in the life of a lowly peasant of a hostess:

Hi, guys! How are you doing today?
4 and a high chair.
...Alright. Are you sitting in the bar, outside, or the dining room tonight?
Booth.

If you don't see the problem, reread the dialogue. If you still don't understand, KINDLY NEVER STEP FOOT IN MY RESTAURANT. Perhaps your time would be more wisely spent studying a dictionary. Try the words "question", "response", and "basics of human conversation".

Obsessive Compulsive Delight

I recently cleaned my room and found that I had 10 different kinds deodorants in various places.





And that, ladies and gentleman, is a perfect manifestation of OCD rearing its ugly head in my life.

silliness!

I think these are silly! So very, very silly.

On food and intimate relationships

There are things in life that I love.

(How's that for a vague opening statement).

There are some things that, no matter how I'm feeling or how I'm perceiving the hellhole that is my life, make me nearly fall to the floor and seize with delight. There are lots of these things. One of them is locally grown produce. Allow me to explain:

Today, I went to the grocery store with my parents. And they were having this day where the CSA (which stands for Community Supported Agriculture, I learned today. Fancy.) came in and did all these free samples of locally grown fruits and vegetables and bison [ew] and desserts. IT WAS SO FUN. PAINFULLY FUN. Which led me to ask myself a very deep and intimate question, why does this CSA business fill my heart with joy? It's not like I know anything about farming or making jam or what a combine is.

I think it comes down to this: food is I think one of my favorite ways people form relationships. It is intimate to share meals with people, am I right? We all love eating with people we love. Two of my favorite things in this world: people and then food. Or maybe vice versa. And being around all of this locally grown business, it is food and people in perfect harmony and communication. Food and relationships. They're like that couple at Radina's who, amidst all your jealousy and bitterness at their happiness, you just love seeing them together.

That's all I'm saying.

Blogging is hard.

Kelly Clarkson (for the prepubescent at heart)

Dear Miley Cyrus,

THIS VIDEO IS HILARIOUS. It makes me laugh so much that I could accurately use "lol" if I supported the use of computer lingo in serious conversation. The lyric about "if you text it, I'll delete it"! The fact that this 8 year olds know what heartbreak is and weep rhythmically to the song! Listen, kids, you've got a long road ahead of you. I'll arm you with the following advice about relationships: tread lightly. Tread lightly, or preferably, choose not to tread.

HOWEVER, if I said this video didn't make me feel a temporal, cheap version of female empowerment? I'd totally be lying. There's something inherently beautiful about women (no matter their age) bonding over past heartbreak and channeling their feelings into song.

thoughts, in the stylings of Aaron Neville

There are a lot of things about life that I don't really understand. I don't know why people have to watch the ones they love die. I don't know why life is so hard for some people. I don't know why people who are starving and homeless sometimes know more joy than those of us who have "everything". I have absolutely no idea how semi-trucks and limousines make right turns.

The only thing I know for sure, and I even forget this sometimes, is that I need Jesus like I need AIR, man.

Sometimes I think about Jesus and think about how outrageous the things I believe are. Like everyone else, it's hard for me to understand how we serve this amazing, unconditionally loving God, a God that puts Himself on the line to love us and offer us something better, but still see so much pain in the world. A lot of times, I think I try to understand where it all fits in with the person of Jesus; what God could be telling us when we are reminded of the frailty of the human condition. And when I try to find reason in Jesus for the suffering, I'll tell you wHat, it makes absolutely no sense. But when you switch things around, I think the picture becomes clearer. Within the condition of the world, the condition of my own heart and the hearts of those around me, I see millions of reasons for Jesus. Millions of reasons why Jesus is relevant in my own life and in the world.

And all of this reminds me that on my own? On my own I can't do it. No way. In this crazy world that challenges our precious worldview and the concepts that we hold dear every day, Jesus is the ONLY thing that really makes sense.

color me trendy

Okay, I'll try to blog. Although it's painfully trendy.

Unfortunately, by the time you see this, I'll have had a blog for a long time. Because I'm going to try it out without spectators. In a desperate attempt to conquer the paralyzing pressures of speaking the truth in love on my blog.