bun in the oven bakery

... that's what my bakery is going to be called. it's a pregnancy reference, get it? Because what are the two most beautiful things in the world? cakes, and pregnant women. this is my little way of combining them. Although I was recently told that this "narrows my target client base". Which totally doesn't surprise me because, men? They WOULD not understand the mind-blowing beauty of pregnancy.







I have been in this baking phase for a while. And the only thing I've been loving more than baking delicious treats is taking beautiful pictures of them. This is a completely original idea. A completely original idea that I first saw on one of the many blogs I stalk.

So my life goals become realized: a job that includes babies, baking, and breastfeeding advocacy. No, I'm not going to bake with breastmilk. Those are just three passions of mine. Even I have to draw the line somewhere.

i do and i will.

If you think that I am embarrassed by the amount I cry at weddings? You'd be totally wrong. Weddings and all that they imply are beautiful, and true, and therefore absolutely worth lots of tears of joy. And, despite all evidence to the contrary, I truly do believe two people can fall in love and, by the grace of God, wake up every morning and decide to fight for one another.


And that, my friends, is what they call resilience. Sweet, stubborn, unexplainable resilience.

with a heart wide open

In Searching for God Knows What*, Donald Miller, Prince of Spiritual Insight, says this:

"Moses wrote Job before he wrote Genesis, most scholars agree, and so the first thing God wanted to communicate to mankind was that life was hard, and there is pain, great pain in life, and yet the answer to this pain, or the cure for this pain, is not given in explanation; rather, God offers to this pain, or this life experience, Himself. Not steps, not an understanding, not a philosophy, but Himself."

So at church the other day, we talked about the same concept. About how, after the Fall, in this world where we all have the capacity for evil, and we are aware of all this evil around us, how it's easy to feel like you're just fumbling around hurting and lost. And how, against all logic we have to explain it, God does this drastic move out of love, right? Where He BACKTRACKS, goes from the greatness that is Heaven to the crappy mess that is Earth and He's like, Here I am to get you! He doesn't just tell us how we can make our lives better, or scold us for being stupid and sinful, or make us find our own way Home. He actually comes to us, meets us in our depression and insecurity. He offers Himself to where we feel the most insignificant and broken. And what could be better, right?

And then I see things like this.

And it's like, how do we actually live in a place where people honestly feel like they are worthless and have no one? It seems like everywhere you turn, there's all these people with broken hearts and these deep wounds that are going to take a lifetime to fix. And then I realize, it's my own fault, because I don't love people like Jesus would love them, fully and unconditionally. So I've been thinking a lot about what it would be like to love other people this way. Because loving people like Jesus would is RIDICULOUSLY IMPOSSIBLE. I get frustrated, or hurt, or needy, or selfish, or some other emotion that makes me all, I'M DONE HANGING OUT WITH YOU. But that's not what Jesus does, SEE? He meets us in our depression. He's not the Friend that tells you what you want to hear, or makes you feel insignificant, or tells you that your feelings are ridiculous. He's the Friend that sits down and weeps alongside you when you're weeping, rejoices when you rejoice, all the while leading you through experiences that make you become the person He wants you to be. And who wouldn't want to love people like that? And maybe if we all did that, it would make all that crappy, messy, hurtful stuff easier to handle. Or at least we wouldn't have to handle it all alone.



*You should probably go read this book. Even if you've already read it. Because it definitely speaks to the condition of the heart with its DEEP AND INTIMATE TRUTHS THAT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE YELLING.

Summation of my Character (in Type A format)

Things I have never been good at:
-seeing far away things
-laughing quietly
-listening to my voicemails (in an even semi-timely manner)
-exercising
-getting over it
-standing up for myself
-liking being me
-making decisions
-driving
-being spontaneous (I'm working on it, people.)
-gaining access to things on a high shelf

Things I have always been good at:
-eating
-empathizing
-knowing good movies
-road rage
-crying
-cleaning other peoples' rooms
-recognizing musical talent
-hugs
-pointing out [and envying] positive characteristics in other people
-maternal instincts
-getting bruises

are we serious?

A day in the life of a lowly peasant of a hostess:

Hi, guys! How are you doing today?
4 and a high chair.
...Alright. Are you sitting in the bar, outside, or the dining room tonight?
Booth.

If you don't see the problem, reread the dialogue. If you still don't understand, KINDLY NEVER STEP FOOT IN MY RESTAURANT. Perhaps your time would be more wisely spent studying a dictionary. Try the words "question", "response", and "basics of human conversation".

Obsessive Compulsive Delight

I recently cleaned my room and found that I had 10 different kinds deodorants in various places.





And that, ladies and gentleman, is a perfect manifestation of OCD rearing its ugly head in my life.

silliness!

I think these are silly! So very, very silly.

On food and intimate relationships

There are things in life that I love.

(How's that for a vague opening statement).

There are some things that, no matter how I'm feeling or how I'm perceiving the hellhole that is my life, make me nearly fall to the floor and seize with delight. There are lots of these things. One of them is locally grown produce. Allow me to explain:

Today, I went to the grocery store with my parents. And they were having this day where the CSA (which stands for Community Supported Agriculture, I learned today. Fancy.) came in and did all these free samples of locally grown fruits and vegetables and bison [ew] and desserts. IT WAS SO FUN. PAINFULLY FUN. Which led me to ask myself a very deep and intimate question, why does this CSA business fill my heart with joy? It's not like I know anything about farming or making jam or what a combine is.

I think it comes down to this: food is I think one of my favorite ways people form relationships. It is intimate to share meals with people, am I right? We all love eating with people we love. Two of my favorite things in this world: people and then food. Or maybe vice versa. And being around all of this locally grown business, it is food and people in perfect harmony and communication. Food and relationships. They're like that couple at Radina's who, amidst all your jealousy and bitterness at their happiness, you just love seeing them together.

That's all I'm saying.

Blogging is hard.

Kelly Clarkson (for the prepubescent at heart)

Dear Miley Cyrus,

THIS VIDEO IS HILARIOUS. It makes me laugh so much that I could accurately use "lol" if I supported the use of computer lingo in serious conversation. The lyric about "if you text it, I'll delete it"! The fact that this 8 year olds know what heartbreak is and weep rhythmically to the song! Listen, kids, you've got a long road ahead of you. I'll arm you with the following advice about relationships: tread lightly. Tread lightly, or preferably, choose not to tread.

HOWEVER, if I said this video didn't make me feel a temporal, cheap version of female empowerment? I'd totally be lying. There's something inherently beautiful about women (no matter their age) bonding over past heartbreak and channeling their feelings into song.

thoughts, in the stylings of Aaron Neville

There are a lot of things about life that I don't really understand. I don't know why people have to watch the ones they love die. I don't know why life is so hard for some people. I don't know why people who are starving and homeless sometimes know more joy than those of us who have "everything". I have absolutely no idea how semi-trucks and limousines make right turns.

The only thing I know for sure, and I even forget this sometimes, is that I need Jesus like I need AIR, man.

Sometimes I think about Jesus and think about how outrageous the things I believe are. Like everyone else, it's hard for me to understand how we serve this amazing, unconditionally loving God, a God that puts Himself on the line to love us and offer us something better, but still see so much pain in the world. A lot of times, I think I try to understand where it all fits in with the person of Jesus; what God could be telling us when we are reminded of the frailty of the human condition. And when I try to find reason in Jesus for the suffering, I'll tell you wHat, it makes absolutely no sense. But when you switch things around, I think the picture becomes clearer. Within the condition of the world, the condition of my own heart and the hearts of those around me, I see millions of reasons for Jesus. Millions of reasons why Jesus is relevant in my own life and in the world.

And all of this reminds me that on my own? On my own I can't do it. No way. In this crazy world that challenges our precious worldview and the concepts that we hold dear every day, Jesus is the ONLY thing that really makes sense.

color me trendy

Okay, I'll try to blog. Although it's painfully trendy.

Unfortunately, by the time you see this, I'll have had a blog for a long time. Because I'm going to try it out without spectators. In a desperate attempt to conquer the paralyzing pressures of speaking the truth in love on my blog.