"eem time" --Laura Koger

Emotions and I are friends. Our friendship, after years of time spent together in solitude and talking out our problems, we are quite close. There is, however, an emotion which proves to be the DRIVING FORCE OF MY LIFE. What is that emotion, you might ask? Guilt. There is nothing like a guilty conscience to drive me to action. Or at least to take what I like to call, "5 Minutes of Emo," where I can be emo for 5 minutes in the sleeping dorm, and then I have to return to real life. Year of Rejuvenation, babay!

Does Guilt drive some wonderful actions in today's world? I'm sure it probably does. I bet people help a lot of less fortunate people when they feel guilty. As well as apologize to friends for being an a-hole. Guilt might play into picking your friend up from class. Or, I don't know, buying your wife a phat ring because your sports career got to your head and you cheated on her.

But, and this is the little nugget I've been wrestling with recently, if I'm doing something because I feel guilty, am I really doing it for the right reasons? Down in the deepest part of my heart, if I am only doing this one thing because I feel like I should, or I feel like other people need me to, then should I do it? I'm not talking about the obvious things, like apologizing when you were an idiot, or doing something nice for someone. But I mean, where is the line? What kinds of things would Jesus tell me to do half-heartedly, and what are the things He would say to leave alone if I'm not in it? Tricia and I went to a new church on Sunday, and we talked about grace and how it would play out in our lives. And, for that one word alone, I don't really think that God would watch what we do and hold it over our heads. Or walk around wallowing in self-loathing out of guilt. Which just happens to be one of my hobbies.

I feel like all of my internal turmoil boils down to: how the heck does one walk in the unfettered limits of grace?

mara


p.s., if one more person tells me to vote in the SGA election,
may God have mercy on your soul because I may hurt you.