more 2010

Alright, here's the deal.

I am now declaring 2010 the year of Mara loving Mara.

That might sound selfish. And maybe it is. But I think it's necessary. This year, I am debating phasing out all relationships that are causing me unnecessary stress or drama. My sister did this one year and did a great job at obeying her committment to this phasing out process.

I've thought about this a lot. As a follower of Jesus, I do think that I am supposed to love people. We recently had a sermon at church about choosing love over just being kind, and I really want to do this. But what if loving certain people conistently leaves you feeling defenseless and insignificant? What if you are admittedly bad at being graceful and forgiving, but being around them literally causes you physical and emotional pain?

I hope to one day be so full of Jesus' love that I can openly spill out to even people who hate me. But it seems irresponsible of me to continue to try [and fail] to invest in and show unconditional to people when I don't really feel like I have it in me.

Part of me thinks I am supposed to try harder to love. It's always easier to love people you don't really know. It's people who you have lived and been with for years that are the hard ones to love. That's why love isn't EASY. it takes committment and effort. And Jesus tells us that we have to commit to loving people even when [not if, because it always is] it is challenging. Not in hopes of convincing or converting at all, but just because love is the way of life He shows us is best. And I know that.

But I also don't really believe that God would encourage someone to continue engaging in a relationship for years when it causes wounds that give way to bitterness and resentment.Wounds that seriously affect that person's perception of themself. I don't think He would endorse unkindness in such relationships. But I just can't believe He would tell someone to JUST KEEP TRUCKING in relationships that have VERY little fruit-- NO fruit-- THE OPPOSITE OF FRUIT (if it existed).

SO. Some relationships won't make the cut. If you are concerned that MY relationships with YOU won't make the cut, don't worry. This probably doesn't apply to you. But some will indeed, not make the cut. And I think that will help the journey of Mara loving Mara.

Selfish? I don't think so. Just a first step into believing being fearfully and wonderfully made.