Okay. Just blame it less on my laziness and more on the lackluster events of my life.

BUT. Here's something that is not lackluster: the baby girl growing in my sister's belly. If you are even a cousin of a friend of a distant neighbor of the past, you've probably heard about this already. But, I'm sorry I'm not sorry. Because I love (insert baby's name here) and I don't care who knows it.

So, for a complete look at the shower that honored afforementioned baby last weekend, please visit my sister's blog here.

Yes, I could resummarize on my own blog. But if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Really?

That was the post I left you with?

Yikes.

I'm terribly sorry.

This whole transitioning into a functioning member of a non-college society thing caught me off guard, I have to say.

I will try to be better. If anyone has faithfully kept me around.

public service announcement

One of these days, all of my pent up aggression in my past-- about thermostat setting, recruitment drama, really loud trucks, certain memorable hellacious conversations, repetitve noises, men who call women crazy, people who bump into you but just let YOU say sorry, ALL OF IT. is going to land on some poor, innocent, unsuspecting soul. After something really tiny. Like someone not using their turn signal. or trying to charge me the going rate for a movie.

And it, will not, be pretty.

BAHAHAHAAAAAHA

I can't wait to graduate so that, on Mondays, I can stop feeling like my life is going to amount to nothing and I will just die and no one will really care and OH MY GOSH I AM DROWNING IN THE DOOM.

Why Monday, you might ask?

Because that is the day I go to class.

Wait... what's that? Hey, K-State administration, please refer back to that statement.

I am at an internship that I really like. but when I have to go to the class that I am required to take along with it, I feel like dying. It feels like a checklist of things that certify that I will, in fact, never get a job that makes a difference in the world. Tonight, for instance, we took a poll of who was going to go to grad school. I, of course, was the only one saying I would NEVER go back to school unless it was of the culinary specification. We then had an hour-long discussion about why everyone should go to grad school.

Thank you, for making me feel like I have failed again.

p.s. SORRY my blog is so boring but I cannot accept full responsibility seeing as how blogger takes 7 million decades to download a picture so.............................................................................................................................. ya know.

I judge you if...

I hate the phrase, "No shit, Sherlock."

I think the first time it was used, it was really clever. Maybe Sherlock Holmes had just come out. And people were all into it. And the first guy that said it got a huge laugh.

But now, only tools use that phrase. Every time I hear it, it's like I'm listening to someone say "expecially," "expresso," or "supposeably."

I hate that phrase.

Dear Metabolism,

I’m going to be honest with you. I thought things were going fine. I could eat what I wanted, within reason, and you would keep my body more or less acceptable looking. We needed each other. We were disappointed in one another when we had a lapse in communication amidst Chipotle or Tricia’s Raspberry Black Bean Dip. But we kept strong.


That is, until I roll over one morning to find you GONE. NOT THERE. ABSENT FROM MY LIFE. All that was left of you was a quickly-scratched goodbye notifying me of your escape, located conveniently on my ABS AND THIGHS. How are you going to just leave me helpless? I mean, what do you expect me to do without you? I have tried 100-calorie snacks. Yogurt as my lunch. For the love of all things holy and good, I HAVE TRIED WORKING OUT. But I just can’t replace you. I see you everywhere. Skinny girls at the rec. Skinny girls at work. I am pretty sure you have a hand in keeping every pound my mother eats off her body…

And yet, here I am, my empty life devoid of a metabolism with average adolescent rate. Growing by the minute. Stuffing my face with carrots instead of KitKats, and still failing.

Why can’t I quit you?

Please come back to me soon. The rec is a cold, dark place. I promise to swear off Chipotle. For a while….

lifelong side effects

Way back when I was in elementary school, we had this counselor. I'm a little fuzzy on the details but I think her main job was to give all of us a moral compass. Which is something kids need so, good for her.

Unfortunately, when I was in first grade, she came to our class to teach us a lesson on not judging a book by its cover. She read us the book Stellaluna. You probably remember it. It was about bats. And she read it to our class and asked, what do we learn from this story? Being the angelic student I was, I immediately rose my hand and said, "To be friends with everyone, no matter what they look like." The class went on and the counselor left. Later, I got called into her counseling dungeoun in the middle of the library...

I OF COURSE started hyperventillating. I felt like I was being sent to the principal's office. I got there and she told me that she felt like I was mocking her when I raised my hand about being friends with everyone no matter what they look like.

um... I'm a first-grader. I don't even know if I know what mocking means.

I tell her sorry (for what, exactly?) and go back to my classroom. And I vividly remember standing outside Ms. Hartwig's room for what seemed like years trying to stop crying.

Now, I wish I could go back in time and watch Little Mara raise her hand and vocalize her moral compass lesson. Did she say it sassy? Was she being a Little B? AND I STILL DO THAT TODAY. After conversations with people in authority, I sometimes agonize over the details and hope I didn't do something inadvertantly sassy.

Sometimes I wonder where my history of emotional breakdowns comes from. Was it when my violin teacher yelled at me because I moved those little pegs? Was it when I was dating a boy in college while I was in high school, a boy I hardly ever thought about until he dumped me? Was it at the first movie I ever cried at, Armageddon?


But I think, dear children, that it was at Stellaluna. I should go read that book again...

the odd man out

is this real life?

I have just started watching the news. I mean The News. that real adults watch. I think it is partially because I am a working woman (working... for free... at an internship... but I think that counts). Partially, it's because watching Food Network in light of what's happening in Haiti. But I am watching the news nonetheless.

Here is something that I'm a little bit incredulous about. In Massachusetts, they're electing a senator who, basically, will sway the vote on health care. So this ONE election is super important. The Democratic candidiate, a Lady, was totally winning so she went on vacation and stuff. During that time, the Republican candidate, a Man, started leading in the polls. So there's all this CRAZY campaigning going on to make sure Lady wins so health care bill passes. That all checks out okay.

But then... as I learned today... Obama started campaigning for Lady. Um.... is this even legal? constitutional? ethically appropriate? It kind of seems like he, being the PRESIDENT and all, should not be taking part in this other election. Shouldn't he be seemingly unbiased? He can come to Massachusetts and tell people they should vote for Lady?! That seems COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE.

So here I am, watching him speak to the group and it is the most SLEEZY, UNPROFESSIONAL SPEECH I'VE EVER SEEN. As he walks on, the crow cheers like adolescents watching Taylor Swift win another Grammy. He is just eating it up. Some teeny-bopper "activist" chick says, I LOVE YOU OBAMA. To which he responds, "I love you too." WHAT?!?! Am I at an Owl City show? band members shamelessly throwing themselves at the mercy of their prepubescent fans? Is this really a political campaign speech being given by a PRESIDENT!? Is this real life?

IT GETS WORSE. He starts making JOKES at the expense of Man! He throws this guy under the bus saying he doesn't know if Man has been doing a good job thus far, but he definitely wouldn't be better than Lady. umm... what? you don't KNOW? and yet, here you are, mocking his existence? I will be the first to admit that I know nothing about the policies of Lady and Man. But it seems IRRELEVANT considering the band of idiots playing out on my television screen.

I think I might be severely confused about the actually duties of being the President...

destined

I've been trying to post this blog but it hasn't been working. But maybe it's for the best.

Instead, use the amount of time you would have spent reading this praying for Haiti.

more 2010

Alright, here's the deal.

I am now declaring 2010 the year of Mara loving Mara.

That might sound selfish. And maybe it is. But I think it's necessary. This year, I am debating phasing out all relationships that are causing me unnecessary stress or drama. My sister did this one year and did a great job at obeying her committment to this phasing out process.

I've thought about this a lot. As a follower of Jesus, I do think that I am supposed to love people. We recently had a sermon at church about choosing love over just being kind, and I really want to do this. But what if loving certain people conistently leaves you feeling defenseless and insignificant? What if you are admittedly bad at being graceful and forgiving, but being around them literally causes you physical and emotional pain?

I hope to one day be so full of Jesus' love that I can openly spill out to even people who hate me. But it seems irresponsible of me to continue to try [and fail] to invest in and show unconditional to people when I don't really feel like I have it in me.

Part of me thinks I am supposed to try harder to love. It's always easier to love people you don't really know. It's people who you have lived and been with for years that are the hard ones to love. That's why love isn't EASY. it takes committment and effort. And Jesus tells us that we have to commit to loving people even when [not if, because it always is] it is challenging. Not in hopes of convincing or converting at all, but just because love is the way of life He shows us is best. And I know that.

But I also don't really believe that God would encourage someone to continue engaging in a relationship for years when it causes wounds that give way to bitterness and resentment.Wounds that seriously affect that person's perception of themself. I don't think He would endorse unkindness in such relationships. But I just can't believe He would tell someone to JUST KEEP TRUCKING in relationships that have VERY little fruit-- NO fruit-- THE OPPOSITE OF FRUIT (if it existed).

SO. Some relationships won't make the cut. If you are concerned that MY relationships with YOU won't make the cut, don't worry. This probably doesn't apply to you. But some will indeed, not make the cut. And I think that will help the journey of Mara loving Mara.

Selfish? I don't think so. Just a first step into believing being fearfully and wonderfully made.

well, that coulda been you... that's what I was leaning towards?

This is the greatest part of the movie, He's Just Not That Into You. A movie that I think has more truth in it than people give it credit for. It's a crappy clip but OH MY GOODNESS THE ACCURACY.