Dear Nazi Feminist,

I was truly entrhalled today by your strong argument for having a female president elected in our lifetime. I was particularly intrigued by your use of the word "betray" instead of "portray". I really appreciate your call to the media and men worldwide to stop thinking women are so emotional. I would, however, like to remind you of that one time? in a class discussion? when you wept and left the room in a tizzy because of someone mentioning women cutting their hair when the join the military?

Anyway, I just wanted to extend a warm welcome to The Crazy, a club for most women nationwide. Please leave your denial at the door.

Girl Power!
Mara Cavallaro

If you are sitting 10 feet away from me in a CROWDED coffeeshop, and I can hear every word of your crappy Shins knockoff music from your headphones... your music may, in fact, be too loud.

I say this in the most considerate fashion.

I was KICKED. out of a BAR.

So it's homecoming week here at K-State, right? And each year, Kappa has a little shindig with our fraternity partners. So I'm at this function at Kite's in Aggieville, where the seniors GET TO DRINK! BECAUSE THEY ARE OF AGE! AND NOT UNDERAGE!

So I walk into Kite's, and the doorman chases me down with his Sharpie and puts Xs on my hands. I do not think about the implications of this until I see my lovely sisters with their drinks. I go back to the doorman and I'm all, WAIT! I'M TWENTY ONE. LOOK, I HAVE PROOF. And he turns the Xs on my hands into OKs and shows the bartenders that I'm legit. (too legit to quit).

So I get my Dos Equis, and I'm all minding my own business, drinking my beer, wondering with my friends why two freshmen just got kicked out. this HUGE BOUNCER runs up to me and points to my hands and is all, "THAT'S WEIRD!" in his little Sassy Linebacker voice. He GRABS MY WRIST and pulls me out of the bar. and I'm all, EXCUSE ME, UP THERE, I AM TWENTY-ONE AND MY HANDS CLEARLY SAY OKAY, NOT X.

So he's all PUSHING ME OUT THE DOOR (because apparently that is ever appropriate for a 6'4" linebacker to do to a 5'2" girl wearing pigtails).

Internet, I WAS BEING THROWN OUT OF A BAR.

an experience I never thought I'd have.

so the doorman is all, DUDE. SHE IS TWENTY-ONE. and Sassy Linebacker rolled his eyes like HIS LIFE. IS SO DIFFICULT. and shoves my beer back in my face. without...so much...as an acknowledgment of his unnecessarily sassy and shovey manner. I tried to find him and demand an apology, but he escaped into the dark and hazy crowd never to be found again. That, and he was SASSY LINEBACKER, let us remember, and I wouldn't trust him to not beat my 21-year-old bottom up.

Taco Bell Banter

me: so what is with the black taco shell? does it taste different than the regular one?
guy 1: nope. it's the same.
me: oh. that's anticlimactic.
guy 1: it's what? what is that?
me: oh. just like, a let down.
guy 2: yeah they're exactly the same. the only thing that might be different is maybe they took some stuff out and put some other stuff in.


uhh... thus qualifying as "different".

farmer's market honey

Can someone explain oatmeal to me? Is there at all a possibility of ending up somewhere between soup-consistency and bubbling-over-onto-your-microwave? What am I doing wrong here?

possibility: trying the stovetop method. but I'd like an easier possibility.

Mara = bitter

[edit]

my guilt complex is second to none.


BUT YEAH, SAM! AMEN!