fantastic news

I am pleased to share the information that I learned from the FYI section of the newspaper today. Wes Bergmann-- remember the guy from Real World who was super crazy and from Leawood, Kansas?-- is opening up a frozen yogurt store in Leawood this weekend. What are the implications of this, you might ask. Well, the only answer I can give you is HAVE YOU EVER EVEN TRIED PINKBERRY?!

Pinkberry is this delicious little slice of heaven that, what do you know?, is sold virtually everywhere but Kansas. UNTIL NOW. It is fat free frozen yogurt. Which might make you think ice cream, but it is actually literally frozen. yogurt. And it has fruit toppings or granola or all these delicious little bumkins. And it is healthy. Read: So healthy that it is, in fact, healthier to eat it than not eat it....I say.

So if you are around the KC area, visit this little shindig on Saturday. It's called Mochi Yo on 119th and Roe. Saturday they are giving away free cups of yogurt. And, for the love of all things HOLY and good, it is going to take every ounce of strength I have to not drive 2 hours each way just to get some of this scrumtrulescence in my mouth. So, hey, Internet, eat one for me too.

really?

I'm in this class called the Helping Relationship. It's required for Family Studies majors but is completely ridiculous unless you're planning on being a therapist. Anyway, we talk a lot about what NOT to do when you're a therapist, and we watched these videos by a "dating coach from NYC" named Donna Barnes. It won't let me embed the video, which I applaud them for doing, lest people find out how ludicrous she is. In this clip, she shares with us how to get our boyfriends crazy about us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbiOj0xKwi4

Reasons you should go watch it:

• "The best way to get your boyfriend crazy about you is to appeal to his sexual desires."
• "If you think you're not in the mood, think again."
• "If you never say no to him, he will be so appreciative and desirous of you."

Just what we needed in the world! More selfish, shameless pursuits for sexual satisfaction! No wonder it's taken us so long, ladies. Thank you, Donna, for the answer we've all been looking for.

yum

I want to try to make this. Yes, I know that raw fish is what makes sushi sushi. However, I do not like that part. I love those sushis with the avacado, cream cheese, and whatever fish is in there delicately poked out. Rice? Good. Vegetables? Delicious. Cream Cheese? Uh, yeah.

Thus, vegetarian sushi.

I'll let you know how it is when and if I ever make it.

Why is blog-stalking so fantastic when you have 35 papers to write?

NEW!

I'm going to market a new product. It's aimed at people who want it to rain, but are not interested in doing a rain dance. My new product is foolproof, it will work every time. What do you have to do, you ask?

merely buy me a car wash, thus ensuring rain within HOURS.

driving home tonight

not found:
ATM slips to go to the bank

found:
two twenties and an uncashed check

sometimes, irony is delicious.

confession 1.5

So since I had so much support with the last confession, I might as well make a much more embarrassing one.

I. LOVE. WIFESWAP.

This is something that I am truly ashamed to admit. I am hypocritical. I think The Hills and the Bachelor are completely asinine because of their ludicrous amount of staged drama. But, deep inside, I love a show that takes two POLAR OPPOSITE FAMILIES and trades their wives. Example: Prissy-Beauty-Queen-Princess-Does-Nothing-Mom trades with Frumpy-Has-Seventeen-Pets-And-Wears-No-Makeup-Mom. Traditional-Housewife-Servant-Mom goes and swaps with Dad-Does-All-The-Work-And-Is-A-Doormat-Mom. And, a personal favorite, Crazy-Fundamentalist-Christian-Mom trades with Crazy-New-Age-Christian-Mom (FYI-- I think you soiled the name of Christians worldwide...both of you.)

Today, watched Smoochy-Lovey-Couple-Member, Parties-All-The-Time, Has-No-Job-but-Constantly-Shops-Mom trades with Cowgirl, No-Affection-in-My-Home, "No-Crying-Unless-You're-Dying, Daughters", Shovel-Poop-Every-Day-Because-RODEO!-Mom.

So the entire premise of the show is that you watch it and say, WHO THE HECK IS WORSE?! WHO WOULD I RATHER LIVE WITH!? WHO IS THE LESSER OF TWO HORRIFIC EVILS?! And, for a week, the wives have to live in their swap homes living by their rules. Rodeo-Mama, for instance, had to sleep in and get drinks while Dad did everything and pampered her. The other Mama had to shovel crap out of the barn. And she is prissy deluxe, and she DID IT. I mean, bravo, lady. Better than I could have done.

The next week, they get to change the rules, and the family has to see what it would be like living with their swapmom's rules. And Rodeo-Dad (now "living" with Party-Mama) is the BIGGEST CHAUVINISTIC PRICK THAT HAS EVER GRACED THE PRESENCE OF THIS EARTH. He will not do ANY of the rules, he tells this woman (WHO HE JUST MET) to shut up, and calls her fat incessantly. Unbearable.

So, at the end, all 4 parents meet up and usually delicately bash on one another and say what they learned. The Rodeo family, however, starts being all condescending up on their high horse (ha, get it? punny?) and calls Party-Mama a slut. How mature. So Party-Mama throws her drink at Rodeo-Obsessed-Mama. Lacking judgment, but she just had her character defamed. And this is where IT GETS SO REAL! GROWN PEOPLE ACTUALLY DID THIS!

Wife Swap Fight

Rodeo-Obsessed-Dad (AFTER VIOLENTLY PUSHING HIS OWN WIFE! HELLO, DOMESTIC ABUSE?!) ended up punching Lovable-Embracing-of-change-Dad, and he threatens to sue. But doesn't, because he is lovable. And from Jersey.

But, Dear Cowboy, kindly realize that the world does not revolve around you and your self-righteous, "cowboy tough", chauvinistic ideals. And this is even coming from a Anti-Feminist, man. You are OUTSIDE. YOUR MIND. You must be hurting.

weak and wounded sinner...

confession

I have a confession:

There is this obsession I have. It's a movie. I could watch this movie every single day for the rest of my life and never grow weary of it. I know this, dear Internet, because I have put this theory to test. Its name was Over Winter Break. See, I have this tendency to not leave my house over breaks. I have no idea why this is. The Cavallaro family can get pretty sassy, so you'd predict it to be the other way around. And while I sit at home, I can watch this movie virtually ON REPEAT.

What is this movie, you ask?

You've Got Mail.

I think it might be one of the ultimate chick flicks. I have thought many times on why this is. And here's what I have gathered thus far:

1. Meg Ryan is the ULTIMATE posterwoman for chick flicks. I do not know why this is. It probably has something to do with that she is HOT. And I mean pre-collagen Meg, not post. She is just hot. and empowering. Which is hard to be, simultaneously
2. Tom Hanks I think might be the posterman for chick flicks. I know that doesn't really make sense. But also, it does. And did I mention that Tom Hanks is even hotter than Meg Ryan? I might not have a perfect sense of good-looking men, considering my dream man was Vince Vaughn, who has recently broken my heart and got himself engaged (go figure), but MAN, THAT MAN IS FINE.
3. there is something about their mundane banter that is fulfilling to a woman's soul.
4. THE DRAMATIC IRONY OF IT ALL! You know, dramatic irony, which is when the reader knows something that the characters don't yet. it's like a secret.
5. if you aren't moved by that scene where they are theorizing about the 152 in NY152, you're not human.

Enough with this. I have to go watch it again.

the sound of spring break

singing is the standard of communication at the Cavallaro home.

and this is what you'll find us singing for the next amount of time that is probably too long to think it is funny, but we do nonetheless.

gimme back that filet-o-fish.
mara

dear The Fuzz,

I will pay you 200 dollars for allegedly running a stop sign that really shouldn't even be a stop sign because no one ever stops, you know?


I will accept responsibility for an accident in high school that really? REALLY? was undoubtedly the fault of the OLD LADY WHO LEFT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME.


I'll even pay for a ticket in Aggieville for being parked for 4 hours right next to the sign that said don't park more than two hours.

Okay. Fine.

But is there a sign anywhere within a 10 foot radius of where I parked my car saying anything about the duration for which I can be parked there?! NO. So, RCPD, pardon my French, but I I'll be damned if I don't fight that ticket to the death.

Or at least until I feel guilty and pay.

thinking of investing in a typewriter

A Day in the Life of an HP Owner:

So there I was, walking into Java to study for a test. I look around creepily, trying to find an outlet, because God forbid my 27 pound computer even turn on without being plugged in. I don't find one and, instead, ask the adjacent table to borrow their outlet. Which always makes me feel like a stalker, because you always wait a little, just to see if they'll leave. They never do though, so you finally have to go over and be all, hey.... can I use that? Sorry. Thank you. Sorry, and thank you. Thanks.

So I sit down and look at tickets for The Fray performing with Jack's Mannequin because, what? is that not how you study for a test? And right as I am contemplating driving back to see a concert I'm almost too embarrassed to say I'd enjoy out loud, screen goes COMPLETELY. BLACK. Because the people had unplugged it. For a moment. A MOMENT.

Is it really a laptop when it turns off when you unplug it? because... I'm fairly certain that is the one and only criteria for something NOT to be a desktop.

this is what I'm saying.

"eem time" --Laura Koger

Emotions and I are friends. Our friendship, after years of time spent together in solitude and talking out our problems, we are quite close. There is, however, an emotion which proves to be the DRIVING FORCE OF MY LIFE. What is that emotion, you might ask? Guilt. There is nothing like a guilty conscience to drive me to action. Or at least to take what I like to call, "5 Minutes of Emo," where I can be emo for 5 minutes in the sleeping dorm, and then I have to return to real life. Year of Rejuvenation, babay!

Does Guilt drive some wonderful actions in today's world? I'm sure it probably does. I bet people help a lot of less fortunate people when they feel guilty. As well as apologize to friends for being an a-hole. Guilt might play into picking your friend up from class. Or, I don't know, buying your wife a phat ring because your sports career got to your head and you cheated on her.

But, and this is the little nugget I've been wrestling with recently, if I'm doing something because I feel guilty, am I really doing it for the right reasons? Down in the deepest part of my heart, if I am only doing this one thing because I feel like I should, or I feel like other people need me to, then should I do it? I'm not talking about the obvious things, like apologizing when you were an idiot, or doing something nice for someone. But I mean, where is the line? What kinds of things would Jesus tell me to do half-heartedly, and what are the things He would say to leave alone if I'm not in it? Tricia and I went to a new church on Sunday, and we talked about grace and how it would play out in our lives. And, for that one word alone, I don't really think that God would watch what we do and hold it over our heads. Or walk around wallowing in self-loathing out of guilt. Which just happens to be one of my hobbies.

I feel like all of my internal turmoil boils down to: how the heck does one walk in the unfettered limits of grace?

mara


p.s., if one more person tells me to vote in the SGA election,
may God have mercy on your soul because I may hurt you.