read to the tune of "one minute" by the album leaf

For Christmas, I got an iPod. This is so fantastic because my generic mp3 player (affectionately called the Music Brick) was slowly sucking the soul from my body (and fueling the fire of The Crazy). I say this because it is a fantastic analogy. I think I am on a frontier of life. A terminal, if you will. If I seem vague, it's because that is about the extent of the information that I have.

Yesterday, I described my emotions as a "waste of oxygen".*

Today, I met Bobby in Panera and we talked about unemployment papers, New Year's Resolutions, false friends, and the utter absurdity of life itself. Then I got to talk to other wonderful friends about life too. All that talking about life makes you reevaluate. And it is quite nice.

2009 Resolutions to come..........!
marizzle

*don't worry, family that reads this! remember this is the kid that wrapped the umbilical cord around her neck in the womb! she has a flare for the melodramatic! which is something I am allowed to say about me, but you are not.

more than your resident psycho

Do you know what I think I do too much? There are a lot of things that could finish this sentence. But what I am talking about is talking to myself. I do this a lot. More than I think can possibly be healthy for any human being. And I find that this already large amount increases exponentially in times of stress, embarrassment, or simply being in my car. I can carry on entire conversations without the aid of another human being. Let's explore, for instance, my most recent trip to Target.

I rarely allow myself to go to Target. The reason for this is that my mind nearly implodes at the ratio of amazing-and-affordable things per square inch. At Halloween, Target almost convinced me I needed a pair of leggings with ghosts and candy corns on them. What? I know. This is what Target does-- it seduces me. Needless to say, when I arrive, I am overwhelmed by feelings of anxiety and stress. Asylum-level talking-to-self is the inevitable outcome.

Actual Inner Dialogue that Actually Took Place in My Actual Head at Target:

Okay, stick to the list. What do we need, Mara? First things first: let's get that car thing. Gas tank fluid, gas tank fluid, gas ta--WHAT! That set of Sharpies is only 11 dollars?! I need that. Buy it. It's such a deal. NO. Children are starving. You already own Sharpies, leave the aisle. Walk away. Good job. Gas tank fluid... gas tank fluid. Check. Okay, now we need Tupperware. Okay, you may trek to the kitchenware side through the clothes department, just to check. Ugly, you don't need it, ugly, you already have one, ug-- WHAT?! A shirt with a Charlie Brown Christmas tree?! I do love Charlie Brown Christmas... You are 20 years old, keep walking. OOOH, now that is cute. How cute? I think it's 15 dollars worth of cute. Price tag... 20 dollars? Maybe that's what I meant. Children starving. Okay, Tupperware it is. Because you said no to clothes, you may meander all of the kitchenware aisles. I WANT TO MAKE PASSIONATE LOVE TO THE KITCHENWARE AISLES. Cookie jar, mixing bowls, Thomas O'Brien towels-- I NEED ALL OF THESE THINGS. Mara, you are being a huge idiot. You have nowhere to put a colander. You don't even have a kitchen. STOP LUSTING. Get the Tupperware and run to the register with your eyes closed, you stupid idiot.

Now you see why I don't allow myself the luxury of going alone to Target-- it is simply too dangerous.

because EW.

I think that I am allergic to intimate relationships and friendships.
Or, more precisely, they are allergic to me.
This is why I am fasting.

Ryan Adams's "Demolition" album is very good.

Is Adams's right? I want someone to tell me, once and for all, what the correct grammar would be.

Grammar Girl?
Please?

my grown up christmas list

this,


this,


and a couple of these.


ironically enough, I think I have a greater chance of getting the last item than the other two.

moo, bah, moo, bah,
mara

what I wanted to say to the lady at McDonald's

What? Why are you looking at me like that? You look like this is the first time you've seen a grown woman walk in and frantically ask if she could PLEASE buy the number six My Little Pony Happy Meal toy. Such judgmental eyes...

charlie brown christmas, my own little cymbalta

I take thee at thy word.
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptiz'd;
Henceforth I never will be Romeo

Here Romeo indicates he believes what Juliet is saying is true. This confession of belief is crucial to Shakespeare's understanding of the proper recipient of love. There can be no doubting, no mistrust; one must have complete faith in the other that nothing is being held back. In our spirituality, we see nothing different. No less than two hundred times Scripture speaks of the importance of belief. "I take thee at thy word," Romeo says, meaning he believes Juliet's invitation, that she will do what she says she will do. Anything less than this complete trust from Romeo would not be love, anything less that pure trust would be a kind of careful negotiation. And careful negotiation isn't love. A person must be willing to be dashed on the rocks or made the fool in exchange for a relationship in order for pure love to take place. And in our spirituality, anything less indicates a question of God's character.

Donald Miller
explaining Romeo and Juliet in terms of Jesus

snow: a haiku

makes me want snuggles?
well, people: maybe it does,
and maybe it DOES.

how to watch The Land Before Time for the first time

1. Arrive at babysitting children's house.

2. Bring homework, because watching this movie is not something you are interested in.

3. Be hooked by watching the first 10 minutes.

4. Watch the mother die. (?!?!)

5. Be taken aback.

6. Weep unabashedly.

7. Realize you are crying about a dinosaur losing its mom, a storyline which has no foundation in reality. It's not like Little Foot actually sat depressed and crying because his Mama was gone, only to get spiritual-ties advice from an old, wise dinosaur. Seriously, woman, pull yourself together.

8. Weep anyway.

9. Hide tears from two small children.

10. Miss end of movie, leaving you to fall asleep thinking about the depression.

11. Come to the realization you have to watch it again....

you know who you are

Dear Boy I Met At Fraternity Party My Freshman Year,

I think we need to get some things straight. I know we met. I know we met because I watched you play this ridiculous drinking game and you won. We subsequently had several conversations while you were sober. Somewhere along the line, you began thinking it was okay to pretend like you don't know me on campus. I mean, that's fine. If you want to deny knowing me in public, that's your prerogative. However, when we consistently see one another on our way to mutual classes, it's time to give up the act. As I have found myself having to repeat recently, I am not an awkward person. But the jig is up, sir, and we see each other often enough for you to acknowledge our relationship. This is all I'm saying.

Love,
Mara. that girl you met that one time.

beware:

things that might make you fall in love with me [so be careful]*

• any video or audio of me car-rocking-out
• my ability to impersonate most accents
• my eccentricism (...she said, emphatically)
  
• my openness to any topic of conversation, no matter the appropriateness, or lack thereof
• preparedness when it comes to items in my purse
• my stories about my fantastic kids I babysit

love you, miss you, wanna kiss you
mara

(*things to consider: studies show these criteria may double as "things that might make you desire to never speak to or see me ever again in your life")